Day 17: Favorite Childhood Book

   One of my favorite childhood memories is being in the third grade under the tutelage of one of my all-time favorite teachers, Miss White. She was the one who would give me a different type of attention as a student which I certainly needed at that time. Third grade was my transition from private school to my neighborhood public school education. I was fragile and different. I was the goody-two-shoes church girl who was not streetwise in the least. Miss White would notice things about me as a transitioning girl and spoke to my parents and was sure to offer assistance to help me become a better student. She saw something in me. Miss White would be the one to introduce me to books in a way in which I'd become interested, thus developing my love for learning and self-expression. I wanted to impress her. I wanted to be like her. She was the first African-American teacher I'd had thus far and she'd changed my life.

   Miss White had given me a book and it was the first book I remember seeing a black girl on the cover of. The girl did not look exactly like me, but I related to her. We both wore a barrette in our hair, and a simple grin our faces. I honestly cannot remember if the book was for a report or personal reading. I just remember that Miss White had given it to me. And if Miss White gave it to me, it was important and special.

   It's description is:
   Mary Eloise is disappointed that the part she gets in the school play is that of Black History narrator--but two storytellers visit her school and change how she views her heritage.

   I honestly cannot tell exactly what the story was. I know that it was about Dr. martin Lluther King, Jr. and this girl on the cover had something to do with understanding more about him. I believe Miss White wanted me to learn about him as well. Once I'd found a picture of the book online my heart lept! This is the first time in decades that I've had to look for that book. I almost felt tears once I saw the yellow border. That is the exact book I remember her giving to me at 8 or 9 years old. And there is the girl!! I'd never forgotten it!!

   This has certainly been more of an emotional entry than I'd expected. I never expected to feel so attached. The memory of this book proves a staple in my mind and on my heart that Miss White has on me. I will never forget this book because Miss White gave it to me. If I ever find Miss White again I'll be glad to share this story with her. I actually ran into her several years ago at a cabaret event I was a hostess for. She looks the same. I am determined to find her, and this book, again real soon.

Day 16: Dream Job

Dream Job

  Because our society molds us and shapes us from birth to grow up and prepare for a job, we've all had to think about a career. Thinking about what we wanted to be when we grew up was just a thought for an ice breaker exercise in elementary school. The question was never meant for any purpose as our system is not structured to support such desires or successes in fields unknown. Only secluded endeavors around our nation fuel our youth toward becoming great thinkers and innovators, while offering resources and encouraging creativity in a way that will cultivate business owners, authors, artists, and change agents. Then once we arrive at college we are told that we "need" to have a major and specialty that we study because that's what we're paying for. The percentage of college graduates who actually work in the field of their degree has diminished so much over the last several decades it's ridiculous. While we may have once had high hopes and aspirations for great careers and endeavors, we enter into "the real world" where those thoughts and ideas are not protected and are no longer encouraged.

  So now in our grown-adulthood, we work. We are forced to begin to establish credit and pay back debt. We are adults now and must take on responsibilities and meet needs. Whatever jobs we can find to pay bills and live comfortably. Grinding to make ends meet and live paycheck to paycheck with no hopes of securing a sound future due to debt and poor financial planning. Working a regular job is our security. This is America's middle-class reality. Whatever happened to those hopes and dreams. Is there a way to at least make our work easier, better?

  Now as my mind wanders, I (as I believe everyone should) begin to imagine what life would be like if I were doing what I'd dreamt of for so long. If I have to work a job in this cycle and system that pushes an unequal and one-sided economy, what is it that I dream of doing. What would make me happiest in this system? Entrepreneurial pursuits aside, what job have I dreamt of doing that would make working worth my while?

  My dream job? Within the past few years, I have come to realize exactly what my dream job is. I would simply be a project manager. That's right... a project manager.

project manager

NOUN

the person in overall charge of the planning and execution of a particular project.

  I've envisioned myself impeccably dressed in fine suits and professional dresses, stiletto heels, simple dainty jewelry, and a luxury handbag to hold all of my important documents and accessories, walking into a board meeting to give a presentation in great detail about a mass undertaking that I have been hired to help a large corporation analyze, strategically plan, and execute under my direction. I've been told that I look like a person who belongs in a fancy office with high tech equipment, an intelligent staff, and beautiful office. My dream is the whole package. When I would dream about such a job, I'd see the shallow tangible things including the aforementioned, but I'd also see the whiteboards, flip charts and graphs, the special programs I'd have to be trained on, and the satisfied clients. I see myself shaken hands with a CEO and VP who have entrusted me with the details of the expansion of their hospital, church, or school. I must admit, I'd also dream about those commission checks and large contracts, automatic deposits of six-figures to my account each month. The thought does still warrant a smile.

  I must admit that I do still oftentimes think about it. If I am to ever complete my MBA, I'd immediately go to complete the project management certification and join the national Project Management Association. I guess I've second-guessed myself the past few years. I've not gone after very many pursuits as I used to. I still have daydreams and visions but have not had enough drive or motivation to pursue them again. While I enjoy being a model, actress, and makeup artist, I do question daily if the entrepreneurial life is for me. I haven't been very successful. I know it's still the very early stages, it's just that I feel so far behind in so many areas. I wonder if I could really pursue being a project manager and have my own firm. Boy, I'd be living the life. Guess I have to decide if that's what I really want and how it ties into the things that I say I'm passionate about. Is there a way to be a professional independent project manager as well as a model, actress, and makeup artist?

What do you think?

Day 15: Timeline of My Day

   Recently I've been focusing on trying to develop a consistent routine and regimen. I definitely live a life of unpredictability and inconsistency. No two days are the same. There are very few things that I do regularly in the same way at the same time each day. In fact, most days, there is no set schedule. This is why I have to focus on changing that now. You see, without a routine, it's hard to have balance. For the things I am pursuing, I certainly need to consider a more consistent schedule. Having a balance in my life is necessary for the growth and development that I am personally pursuing.

   Yet, in the meantime, while I figure out what works best for me right now, I can rundown what the timeline of my day has been over this summer. It's not very interesting at all actually. I am currently an unemployed single mother with no money and no resources so I couldn't afford summer camp for my son and have been struggling to figure out how to keep him entertained and prepared for the 5th grade in the Fall at the same time. I say this to say, I have tons of free time this summer and my busy schedule is primarily on the weekends. Once school begins again and I start to really get my life together again and get a new job, I'll actually have a concrete more predictable way of living.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                             

                                                                                                                                                                       The thought actually makes me quite uncomfortable. I mean I think I prefer not having a set schedule every day. I like each day being a new adventure.

   But, getting to this entry... a typical timeline of my day (this summer):

7:00am     -  Alarm goes off

7:15am     -  Potty

7:20am     -  Back to bed

8:00am     -  Plan on getting up 

9:05am     -  Toss pillows around in bed while listening to favorite YouTube playlists

9:57am     -  Potty/Get up for real this time

10:10am   - Shower

11:00am   -  Wake the boy up

12:00pm   - Eat together

1:00pm     - Pretend to do chores and clean up the bedroom

2:00pm     -  Fight boy to do his summer reading workbook

3:00pm     -  Eat again

5:00pm     - Head to a meeting

6:30-7pm - Concert/Dinner Date

9:30pm    - Boy to bed

10:00pm  - Be grown 

12:00am  - Try to be in bed asleep to get up early the next day

1:00am    -  Probably out/up still being grown

  See, not very exciting. I'm working on it though... stay tuned.

Day 14: What is in My Bag?

I must confess:

I absolutely LOVE watching these videos on YouTube all the time! I don't know what it is about showcasing what we carry in our handbags, but women really enjoy this. We like sharing what we carry and why, as well as being nosey enough to look inside other women's handbags and purses.

While many people go through their bags with specifics in mind, since I've never down this before, I'm going to spare you and simply not give any explanation. I may have to start a new YouTube channel and add this topic to the content list for that channel. We shall see.

In the meantime, I will simply examine my bag now and attach photos of the contents of the current bag I am carrying now.

Let's jump right in!
In my black amazon handbag which was given to me for Mother's Day this year by my favorite little sister, Alana (don't tell Amanda), I've stuffed it today with:

• a pair of shoes
• my planner
• my GUESS wallet
• notes from a meeting
• a Michael Kors purse serving as a miscellaneous catchall for items I "need" but hardly use
• eyelash glue
• post-it notes
• ink pen
• business cards
• lip gloss
• nail glue
• travel size spray deodorant
• breath mints
• purse hook
• an ink pen
• a marker
• a compact mirror
• travel size hand lotion (Mary Kay Satin hands)
• flyers for an upcoming play
• purple post-it note pad 
• $0.27
• my transit card
• my son's toy ring
• used paper towel (sweating earlier)
• pack of tissues
• Jergens hand cream
• lip products
• face power and brushes
• eyelash glue

Now I need a new handbag. Larger. Sturdier. I have my sights set on a few luxury brands. I need a great quality bag that can last for a decade or so. I'm ready to invest.

By learning the contents of my current handbag have you learned anything new about me? I'm excited to find out. Be sure to comment.

Day 13: Favorite Quote

I'm one of those people who just simply don't have one quote that I can select as my favorite. Like my lists of songs, entertainers, influencers, actors, politicians, icons, foods, facts, places... I simply do not have the ability to limit myself to a single favorite. I have FAVORITES!! Quotes are no different. Maybe I'll have to list them in another post once this challenge is done.

So, the quote that I will select is the one that I have been saying more often recently than most.

"You are what you attract"

There are many different ways of saying this. The point is that whatever you put out to the world what comes back to you. If you want great, then you have to be great. If you want sophistication, then you have to be sophisticated. If you want organization, then you have to be organized. Like attracts like. If you want a certain partner in your relationship, then you have to be that person now, even if you haven't met them yet just so they can be attracted to you. Some of my favorite variations of this saying I'll share here:

As I learn more and more about the Law of Attraction, I see more and more how true this particular quote is true in my own life. I especially appreciate this quote because it relates to scripture which also makes me even more confident in its truth. From Proverbs 23:7:

Day 12: If I Won the Lottery...

If I won the lottery...

As if no one has ever had this thought before.

Now, obviously, this whole dream depends on how much money is won through the lottery. I'm going to assume that we are talking about millions of dollars and this is a big lottery and not a small, Papi-store scratch-off win of a few hundred dollars.

So, my most recent dream about if I were to win the lottery is very detailed and very specific due to my need for a lot of money fast, right now in my life. The best way to get all of my ideas out is to simply list all the things that I would do if I were to win the lottery in bullet form. This list is in no particular order:

I would ...

• pay my son's school tuition
• buy a car (Audi, Lexus, Cadillac) 
• pay my sister back
• pay grandma back
• pay my mom back rent (for 4 years)
• give my siblings a cut
• fix up my mom's  kitchen, bathroom, living room, and basement in her house
• fix up something at both of my grandparent's homes
• donate to my alma mater (Albright College)
• donate to each one of the nonprofit organizations I work with (too many to list)
• purchase the fur coat of my dreams
• by a diamond set
• buy a wood watch
• secure several dream trips with my son (Paris, Italy, Rwanda, Dubai, Disneyland)
• have several dream photoshoots with my bucket list photographers
• pay off my student loan debt ($70+)
• make sure my siblings and aunts and uncles had no student loan debt either
• get the most beautiful, long-lasting weave ever!
• get lipo surgery for my belly and third underarm
• pay a personal trainer for the entire year
• invest in several local properties
• pay off my best friends' debts
• have the biggest ladies night ever with tons of drinks, dancers, games, food, makeovers, massages, the works
• splurge on all the makeup I've ever wanted to try
• splurge on a new wardrobe (chic and classic and neutral)
• purchase my dream townhome
• pay my tithes for a few years (ahead)
• cover my son's extracurricular expenses for an entire year (piano, acting, karate, etc)

These are the first things that come to mind. I'm certain there are tons more, but I think these all came to mind first because they are the most important to me right now. And these are the things that I've already dreamt of doing. I try not to be as selfish as I think I really am, and I truly believe that I would not be selfish with my winnings. I would set it up so that I got an annuity and would budget the money to be able to do all of the above over time and at the surprise of those to whom I wanted to share it with.

I think I would not initially tell anyone that I'd won anything for as long as I'd be allowed to keep it a secret. I would have a financial advisor, probably a friend, and hold a family meeting when I felt it was time to give my aunts, uncles, and siblings their donations. 

I think I'd have a really solid plan and would keep a level head about myself. 

Maybe one day I'll get to find out.... but, I'm not holding my breath. A girl certainly can dream.

Day 11: Most Proud Moment

Once I'd graduated from college and was asked "what are your most proud of?", when others would say that they were proud that they'd graduated and could now say that they had a degree behind their name, I chose to focus on the time I'd made history. I don't think there is ever a time in my life when I can say that I've literally made history. In the spring semester of my junior year at Albright College,

I'd been elected the first African-American female president of the Student Government Association in the history of the institution. I was told that there was another African-American president, but that it was a male. I'd done a little bit of research and searching, as I was also on the student alumni association board as well, and could not find another.

Proud? To say the least, I was ecstatic! I'd always felt that I was second best growing up and most of my life. I could never come in first, or get the highest grade, or get elected to the highest office. I'd finally had my moment. Which was also taking from me briefly; I ran unopposed. No one wanted to run against me, and the entire student body seemed to be okay with me as their next president. I was honored and humbled, yet reminded that because there was no competition, I didn't actually earn it. I struggled with that for a while but still held on to its significance. I couldn't change history, and yet still managed to make history my senior year. Until a few years ago, that was my most proud moment.

I'd become a mother since then, and you'd think that having my healthy baby boy all naturally with little to no complications would trump most things, considering I didn't have as active a life as I'd led during college. However, my next most proud moment would not come until 2014. Thanksgiving weekend that year I'd compete in my very first beauty pageant ever! After a terrible accident in January, the day after my birthday, I'd broken my right ankle and knew my life had changed forever! I wasn't very motivated to do much of anything or have any activities and even dealt with a bit of shame and depression. I felt like a helpless, hopeless single mom, who was such a loser that she couldn't even take care of herself. Thank God for my family, but I'd lost all sense of independence. Watching YouTube videos would be the beginning of a push into a new career, but I had no clue how my life would continue to change a few months later. I yearned to get back to walking and moving again but knew that it would take a lot of time to regain the level of activity I was a part of and meet the expectation that everyone had for me.

One day, I'd pushed myself to volunteer again at a women's empowerment luncheon. I'd be encouraged that day to compete in a beauty pageant. I was so fascinated. Shortly after that at another encounter, the topic had come up again and I was encouraged to sign up. I knew nothing about pageantry or what it would take to be successful, but others saw something in me that made them press the issue. By the time the third person had crossed my path to say "yeah, I could see that, you should do it," the bug had bitten me. I now wanted to compete and I wanted to try something new, and I wanted to win.

I'd taken time to study on Youtube and research as much as I could about pageantry. A few months before Miss Blessed, Bold & Beautiful Pageant, I'd volunteered at the Big Beautiful Women Pageant International. I got to finally see what a pageant was and a little bit about what to expect. I was excited! I had a group of friends who encouraged me and told me they had my back. That's all I needed. I'd even gone so far as to get my family to travel to Atlantic City with me for the weekend to experience the pageant with me and have a little family vacation as well. My dad was there.

My most proud moment came that Saturday afternoon, after Thanksgiving, in front of my mom, one of my sister's, Alana, my dad, and my son. At the same hotel where Miss America is held each year, I won Miss Blessed, Bold & Beautiful Pageant 2015. What made it so special was having my dad and my son on stage with me taking pictures and telling me how proud of me they were. My dad passed away the following year. There was no pageant held that year, and thank goodness, because celebrating my dad was all I wanted to do. I held on to my title and continued to compete in other pageants, always with the phenomenal memory of my dad telling me, after years of disappointing him, that he was proud of me. I will never forget that.